Earlier today, I was just thinking if I should post a new entry. But I cannot think straight. I do not know why. I do not know what to post so I decided not to update. But then, Khalline left a tag saying she has a new post. So I read it. It was about her love story. As I was reading her post, I remembered my ex-boyfriend. Funny how I can remember when we used to plan about our future. Just so you know guys, he was my 1st boyfriend. I almost loved him more than I have loved myself. And I really thought that he would also be my last. I actually miss him but I do not want to be with him anymore. That is possible for me to feel right? Every time it comes to a point that he would cross my mind, I can remember all the wasted love, efforts, time, sacrifices, tears and etc. I know I could never bring those back. When we broke up last January 2010, I was still keeping my hopes high because he was still letting me feel his presence but no efforts at all. I believed that if we are really destined for each other, no matter what happens, no matter how long it would be, I know we will meet again. But again, because of what happened, I stopped hoping. I stopped our communication just last September 3. I realized that he is really not the one for me because he doesn't even know my worth. I still don't know what really God had planned for the both of us but I do not care about that now. All I know is I really don't want him back in my life anymore, though there is still part of me that is longing for him. I do not regret loving him though. I should even thank him; for making me stronger as a person, and I learned a lot from him too. I learned how to limit my expectations, I learned how to control my feelings no matter how great it was, and I learned that there is still so much more in life that I must prioritize.

For now, I know God has greater plans for me. Only He, who knows what would be best for everyone. He would never give us problems that we can't surpass. I'm contented with everything I have now. Though I still have so many questions about my previous heartbreak but I guess it would be better if they will remain unanswered. I want to go to a very quiet place where I could be alone and ask myself, what is really up with my life right now? Is everything really all right? What do I really want to happen? Am I really that happy? I do not know.. I really do not know. :|